Not in Coronado anymore.
Not with wonderful, perfect BF anymore.
Not with my puppy, my daughter or anything that my world used to be made of anymore.
I live in Van Nuys now. I work in a vintage scooter shop. Until I get a real job. I broke my foot in a stupid little thing and have been wearing a soft cast that will stay on two more weeks and means I can't run again for at least four months. I am broke as a joke. And my family members think I have lost my mind.
Maybe I have. But I think I made the right decision.
And, really, it doesn't matter much now if I didn't or didn't, because this is my life now. There's no going back.
Wonderful, perfect BF is working fulltime to replace me. Really working it hard. Says he doesn't want to die alone. Of course, that line is pretty selfish, isn't it? You don't want to die alone, so get someone to be by your side on the day you die and that someone can be alone and die alone after you're gone.
But, I don't blame him. He wants to fill my position and it won't take long to do it. I have to admit, though, that the way he's going about it, and the swiftness with which he's undertaking this task, make me believe even more that he really didn't care who was sitting on the couch next to him, just as long as it was someone.
Not sour grapes. I was the one who left. But, I left for a reason. And I am sad he thought so little of me, even after asking me to marry him. Maybe he even thought less of me after that. But this fervent, desperate move to replace me within a week of me leaving underscores the reasons I believe I made the right decision.
But, never mind all that now. He's moved on and I suppose I have as well. It's all done now. New chapters for both of us.
Enjoy the past blog entries about him and I. Better believe I have been checking them out often.
It was a great relationship when it was great.
You're still a wonderful, caring person, and frankly, irreplaceable. I am sorry that things in San Diego didn't work out, but I am so happy to see that you're back to writing in the blog as I enjoy knowing how you are doing. And, I'm looking forward to know what adventures await you. And don't forget, we'll always love you.
Posted by: the 5th one | June 17, 2009 at 10:59 AM
Oy. I am so sorry love.
Posted by: Demandra | June 21, 2009 at 05:12 PM